A Day to Remember...

I've been home from Kansas City now for a month, and really slacking on my blog. I wanted to share what i've been up to! The biggest thing thats happen since i've been home was Monica and Eugene's wedding. I had the pleasure of being the maid of honor and standing beside them on the biggest day of their lives. The joy present this day was wonderful. Since i was in the wedding party i didnt have much time to take pictures. I was able to snap some shots the morning of the ceremony and getting ready, and then my sister had my camera and got some shots too. I hope you enjoy!

*Sorry the layout is kinda weird, my computer was being so stupid! Im just thankful i was finally able to get them up. :)

How's your heart?

This question came from one of my wonderful friends today as we ate breakfast. Its something i’ve been asked a few times since being here, but always have to think about it before i answer. To stop and actually think how your heart is takes time getting used too. I think we always live life based on our emotions, and how we feel at that moment. And are actions and words display how our heart is, and yet we fail to recognize that. We should spend more time looking at our hearts then dwelling on our emotions. Because after all, God looks at the heart. So as i sit and look at my heart, im not sure what to think. I would like to say my heart is trusting completely in the Lord, not worried or anxious about anything. But i dont think thats the case. I am happy to say though that im learning to trust more. As the days go by new areas come up where He again asks, do you trust Me? Do you trust My love? And its so comforting to know that i wont have to wake up one morning and have this whole trust thing concurred, but just saying yes to Him everyday as He again asks me trust Him with everything. As i continue to look at my heart i see His love starting to take a deeper root in me. And i know as i continue to sit at His banqueting table and feast on His truths, that root will only grow deeper and deeper. It really is all about love. Obedience that flows out of love will actually be enjoyable and satisfying. A lover will always out work a worker. And its all He’s after. Voluntary love. I feel i will always be on the quest to continually remove everything that hinders love in my heart. I challenge you to do the same.

Be blessed.

How He loves us...

Tonight i went to Dan and Beverly Browns house to chat. I havent been there since i got here. It feels like just yesterday i stayed the night there before i started my internship. And yet it was almost 2 months ago. I still cant believe im here. Like i did it. I came. I packed up my car and moved to Missouri for 3 months. And its almost half over. What will life hold after this? Only God knows. Im so excited to come home, i love it here but i really think i'll be ready to come home by the end of June. People ask me what im going to do when i get home, and im like, um i dont know. And i dont really care that i dont know. Im just so excited for life. And the people in my life. I miss people back home. If your all reading this, i miss you! So much.

So today something really cool happened. Some of the people from my internship went downtown to evangelize, there were a couple groups. And the one group ran into this guy and ask him if they can pray for him, and he said he needs peace. To just pray for him for peace. Then he left and ran into another one of the groups, and they started talking to him. And Shawn asked him if he knew Jesus. And he said he has for awhile, but he's done a lot of stuff. And Shawn said thats theres no commendation for those in Christ Jesus. And they were talking for awhile, and the guys like i need to do something. And he reaches in his jacket and pulls out a knife and began to tell them he was going to take his life that night. And they prayed for him and brought him back to the base. And thats all that ive heard so far. But how awesome is that?!! God spared his life. Talk about divine appointments. God loved him enough to send people to talk to him and spare his life. Oh the love of Jesus.

Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

..."the joy of the Lord is your strength". Nehemiah 8:10

The Lord's so good, isn't He? I found His joy to be so good this past week. There's been moments of sacrifice, and in those moments being reminded why Im here. Im here for Him. The One I love. The One I need to come have His way in me and my heart. There's a song that they sang at the Awakening meeting one night, and the chorus was, "You said there would be joy in the laying down, You said there would be joy in the giving up". It was my heart cry that night. And He's faithful, because His joy has come. And its overwhelming. Being overwhelmed by God has to be one of the greatest feelings. To always be in awe of Him is my goal.

Today has been filled with moments of joy. Some of these moments have been video chatting with my nephew and sister, getting a package filled with cookies and amish peanut butter from my parents, baking a birthday cake, and the joy of giving someone a cake for their birthday. My heart sings of the glory of my Jesus.

Another way the Lord has shown His goodness this week was when I went dress shopping. My amazing cousin Monica is engaged and getting married on July 3rd, exactly 5 days after I get home. So I had to find a dress, because I have the honor of standing beside her on that day as her maid of honor. The stress of having to find a dress by then by myself, thats the right color, while being in Kansas City with a busy schedule plus being on a night schedule. I was determined not to be stressed about it though, so instead I prayed that God would provide the perfect dress. I went yesterday for the first time, and after going to the second store i found the perfect dress. The color couldn't have been closer to what I needed, the style I liked, and the size fit perfect. And no alternations are needed. Seriously now, the Lord is so good.

Another goal of mine is to in every season still confess His goodness. I had to ask myself yesterday when I got back, what if I wouldn't have found a dress? Would I still have been confessing His goodness? Because no matter my situation, God's still good. He always has been, and always will be. But it seems we only tell of His goodness when our lives are going good. That's something I've been learning here. Relating to God not on His activity, but on His nature. And you can only do that when you know what He's like. So the bottom line is, get to know Him. And when the wind comes, cling to what you know to be true. He's a good God. He's faithful. He's a God of justice. And His love is better than anything this world has to offer.

If I had time to write everything thats on my heart I would be here all night. But there's so many things to be done on a day off, and sadly my day off goes by so fast. But incase any of you were wondering, I wont be staying for 6 months. I'll be home the end of June like I said for my cousins wedding. I think I can hear a sigh of relief all the way from Ohio from my mom. Its good to know your missed and wanted somewhere. Im so blessed.

Be blessed.

This weeks blog is short. Im not in the mood to write, which normally i am on wednesdays. More to come next week.

Be Blessed.

A month has past...

I’ve officially been here for a month. One third of the internship is over. Craziness. It really has gone by fast. Im hoping that the next two months feel slower. I really want to treasure this time. And up until last week i felt like my mind never quit spinning. I went to bed always worrying about what i was going to do the next day and afraid i wouldn’t get everything done i needed too. Just really anxious all the time. And it was literally driving me crazy. And i prayed for peace, but it didn’t seem to come. When i realized that it wasn’t just something i could control myself, i knew it was the way the enemy was trying to attack me. Because i’m so hungry to learn and take everything in i can while i’m here, he was using that to drive me completely nuts. So then the next night i went to the awakening meeting and Wes Hall was saying how he felt like someone was struggling with being anxious and worrying. And i knew he was talking about me. So i stood up for prayer and some of the girls prayed for me and i haven’t had that problem since. The Lord truly did set me free. And i have peace. At times i find myself going back to that place of being anxious, but right away i stop and pray for peace then go about doing what i need to do. He’s so good.

Last night i had a revelation that will change the way i live forever. I realized that i came here to fall in love with Jesus and find His will for my life. And i was sitting here waiting for God to tell me exactly what i was supposed to do. Literally. And then in our apartment burn last night we were talking about Colossians 1:9-10. And i’m sure i read this verse before, but tonight when i read it and Abby (my apartment leader) explained it, and of course with the Holy Spirit, it finally hit me. Colossians 1:9-10 says,

“For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that we will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in everything good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

So this whole time i thought the knowledge of His will was His will for my life, but its not. It says “the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding”, so His will for me is to seek the knowledge of who He is. If i’m always seeking Him and seeking His knowledge, i’m in His will. Thats it! How simple. I always make things to complicated. Here i’m waiting for Him to tell me exactly what to do, and it was my main focus. And He’s saying just seek Me, seek my knowledge, seek out who I am, and what Im like. But its like ok, so where do i work? Where do i live? And all the other questions in life while i’m seeking Him? And i’m still seeking this out more, but i really think He wants me to do what’s in my heart. Like what do i want to do? What does my little heart desire? And i really think thats the answer to what i’m suppose to do, and as long as i’m seeking the knowledge of Him first and foremost, i’m in His will. Because who put those desires in my heart? I really believe He did. So if i follow those desires, and seek Him first, i’m in His will. Thats it. And of course that doesn’t mean you never pray about things or seek Him in areas of your life, but if your seeking Him first He’s going to lead you in situations and areas of your life. But His will for us is to seek Him and glorify Him. Reading the Word, praying, and fasting isn’t the means to an end, its the end. Thats where He wants us. Sitting at His feet all the days of our lives. My new life long goal is to be a Mary of Bethany.
To anyone whos reading this, i’d love to hear what you think in this area. I hope this brings as much comfort and freedom to your heart as it has mine.

Be blessed.

Sabbaths truly are from the Lord

As i sit on the patio drinking a amazing iced latte without a care in the world, i am thankful. Wednesdays are are sabbaths (are day off). They call it sabbath instead of day off cause when you think of day off you think of being lazy and doing nothing. And thats not what they want us to do. They want it to truly be a day of rest for us. And today has been just that. Last week i used my sabbath to do things i really wanted to do, hang out with people and so forth. But before i knew it the day was over and i hadnt done half the things i wanted to do. So this week i was determined to use it wisely. And so far i've been successful. My day has consisted off working out, cleaning the apartment, reading, and now blogging. But its been so relaxing. And after this im headed back to the apartment to do more reading and im going to get my paints out and paint. Im so excited. Then we have a apartment meeting at 4 am. So my days really only half over.

Thankfully im completely over my cold, the sad part is my 2 roommates are sick now. I think i might have given it to them. When i look at them i feel bad cause i know just how they feel. So please pray for them.

Im not sure exactly where to start as to what the Lord has been doing in my life. I cant say i've had a huge revelation and i now understand everything, not at all. But i've come to realize through are one class what im truly missing in my relationship with the man Jesus. And thats a emotional relationship. My emotions arent involved. I know He loves me, but do i really feel it? I say, yes He loves me. But i only know it. In my heart i dont feel it. And knowing something in your head and feeling something in your heart are two completely different things. So im praying for a encounter with His love. Because i know when i encounter His love i will never be the same. I've also realized it takes Him to love Him. I truly am a weak human. I realized that when i fasted for a day. I can do nothing in my own strength. I cant even love Him without His Spirit first showing me His love. Hes so smart though. It keeps us always running back to Him. And thats what He wants, intimacy. With us! Of all things, He wants weak and frail humans. Unbelievable. But true.

If your reading this mom and dad, i love and miss you.

Be blessed.