A month has past...

I’ve officially been here for a month. One third of the internship is over. Craziness. It really has gone by fast. Im hoping that the next two months feel slower. I really want to treasure this time. And up until last week i felt like my mind never quit spinning. I went to bed always worrying about what i was going to do the next day and afraid i wouldn’t get everything done i needed too. Just really anxious all the time. And it was literally driving me crazy. And i prayed for peace, but it didn’t seem to come. When i realized that it wasn’t just something i could control myself, i knew it was the way the enemy was trying to attack me. Because i’m so hungry to learn and take everything in i can while i’m here, he was using that to drive me completely nuts. So then the next night i went to the awakening meeting and Wes Hall was saying how he felt like someone was struggling with being anxious and worrying. And i knew he was talking about me. So i stood up for prayer and some of the girls prayed for me and i haven’t had that problem since. The Lord truly did set me free. And i have peace. At times i find myself going back to that place of being anxious, but right away i stop and pray for peace then go about doing what i need to do. He’s so good.

Last night i had a revelation that will change the way i live forever. I realized that i came here to fall in love with Jesus and find His will for my life. And i was sitting here waiting for God to tell me exactly what i was supposed to do. Literally. And then in our apartment burn last night we were talking about Colossians 1:9-10. And i’m sure i read this verse before, but tonight when i read it and Abby (my apartment leader) explained it, and of course with the Holy Spirit, it finally hit me. Colossians 1:9-10 says,

“For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that we will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in everything good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.”

So this whole time i thought the knowledge of His will was His will for my life, but its not. It says “the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding”, so His will for me is to seek the knowledge of who He is. If i’m always seeking Him and seeking His knowledge, i’m in His will. Thats it! How simple. I always make things to complicated. Here i’m waiting for Him to tell me exactly what to do, and it was my main focus. And He’s saying just seek Me, seek my knowledge, seek out who I am, and what Im like. But its like ok, so where do i work? Where do i live? And all the other questions in life while i’m seeking Him? And i’m still seeking this out more, but i really think He wants me to do what’s in my heart. Like what do i want to do? What does my little heart desire? And i really think thats the answer to what i’m suppose to do, and as long as i’m seeking the knowledge of Him first and foremost, i’m in His will. Because who put those desires in my heart? I really believe He did. So if i follow those desires, and seek Him first, i’m in His will. Thats it. And of course that doesn’t mean you never pray about things or seek Him in areas of your life, but if your seeking Him first He’s going to lead you in situations and areas of your life. But His will for us is to seek Him and glorify Him. Reading the Word, praying, and fasting isn’t the means to an end, its the end. Thats where He wants us. Sitting at His feet all the days of our lives. My new life long goal is to be a Mary of Bethany.
To anyone whos reading this, i’d love to hear what you think in this area. I hope this brings as much comfort and freedom to your heart as it has mine.

Be blessed.